


In the darkness I cling to your light

by Saerwenn



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxious Katsuki Yuuri, Cuddles, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Panic Attacks, Sharing a Bed, Supportive Victor Nikiforov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2020-01-11 06:58:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18425265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saerwenn/pseuds/Saerwenn
Summary: what could have happened if Victor had returned from his pool outing to find Yuri in a full blown panic attack?





	In the darkness I cling to your light

**Author's Note:**

> so I just finished watching Yuri!!! on Ice and it was just the cutest thing I've ever seen. I actually initially put it on because I couldn't fall asleep and thought it'd be something I could just listen to but man three days later and I was finished it. That being said I do love Yuri and his anxiety, and how well they are portrayed, and I thought of this little drabble while I was watching the episode where he is panicking in the hotel room before Victor and Chris come in. so this is my self indulgent fanfic plz let me know what you think !! ^^

Blinking his eyes open, Yuri awoke to darkness. 

Groaning, he stretched lazily for his glasses and situated them atop his nose, grasping for his phone with his other hand. Laying sideways in his warm bed, he flicked open the lock screen to realize that it was well into the evening. He groaned again; jet lag was a bitch. 

“I guess Victor is at the pool with Chris,” he muttered to himself as he opened Instagram to see their photos. A slight pang of jealousy coursed through him as he realized Victor must be so bored with him by now, as he slept away their free evening. He wanted to be the one laughing and swimming with Victor. 

With a shake of his head, he rid himself of the dark thoughts attempting to mull over in his mind. He was glad Victor was having fun. Smiling to himself, the feeling of soft lips on his own resurfaced and painted a blush on his cheeks. 

“Pitchit is here too…” Oh right. They were all there for their final competition. The Grand Prix. 

Suddenly his chest felt tight. 

The anxiety he had been trying to quell since they landed rushed back full force now that he was awake, and Yuri audibly gasped. He was so nervous for tomorrow, that was no surprise, but what else was new about that?

The new thing was that if he lost, Victor would leave him. He would stay in Russia with Yurio and train him instead, laughing at Yuri’s utter failure as a figure skater. He probably wouldn’t even walk Yuri to the airport to send him back home where he belonged. Oh, God, what if he never saw him again?! 

Yuri was aware he was panicking by now, he knew the signs, but how does one reel in thoughts that are spinning so far out of control…and could actually turn into reality by tomorrow? He hid his face in his pillow, panting. 

“Victor… I need you. Where are you!?” he screamed, voice muffled by the fabric against his lips. His phone had long since fallen off the bed as he writhed about in the covers, and his breaths were coming so short and sporatically that he knew he had to reach it. He had to call someone. Anyone. Anything would be better than the dark room that was caving in around him. 

Springing from the bed with a gasp, he tried to reach over the edge only to overshoot and fall off the side. He heard a crunch and felt a sharp pain radiate across the bridge of his nose, dimly realizing that his glasses had snapped and left a large red scratch in their wake. He surrendered a sob. Why was this happening? Where was Victor? If he only had a couple more days with him, shouldn’t he be with him? Or would it be better to ignore him now so it hurt less when he lost him? 

Tears were streaming down his face by now, and his breaths were so short his chest felt as though it was on fire. He keeled over and retched, yet nothing came up. 

His phone was forgotten as he surrendered himself to the darkness, panting and crying on the floor. He knew it was only going to be a matter of moments until he passed out, but compared to this hell, he would welcome the silence. 

 

~

 

Victor walked back to his hotel room with a spring in his step, feeling refreshed from being out at the pool, if not a bit cold. He had fun with Chris, but he had dismissed himself early with only thoughts of the sleeping black haired boy in their beds. A smile danced upon his lips as he thought about Yuri; how he wanted to wake him up by showering him in kisses, and curl up next to him to whisper his love in his ear. He chuckled to himself as he fished for the key card for the door. How different his life was now that his Yuri was with him. 

When he opened the door to their room, however, his heart froze over and shattered in fear. 

He saw Yuri’s phone on one end of the bed, and his glasses were in pieces on the other side. And in the middle of the floor, curled in the fetal position and clutching his chest with both hands, was Yuri. His breaths were coming so quickly that Victor was terrified he was having some sort of heart attack, before remembering the boy’s crippling anxiety. Was this the kind of panic attacks he had dealt with his whole life?

Finally springing into action, Victor crossed the room and threw himself before Yuri, hands fluttering uselessly beside him as he wasn’t sure if touch would make the situation better or worse. God, he was cursing himself for leaving him alone. He should have known how fragile Yuri’s heart would be right now, the night before the competition that crushed his career before. 

“Yuri!” Victor cried desperately, “Can you hear me?” 

No acknowledgement. The boy was too far into his own mind. Victor gently brushed his hand against his trembling arm, sliding it down to his hand when he felt no recoil. 

“Yuri,” he tried again, speaking around the lump in his throat. He realized his own cheeks were streaked in tears, much like Yuri’s. “Yuri. Yuri, please come back to me.” 

With a startling gasp, Yuri’s wide, brown eyes finally met Victor’s. And suddenly, he was gulping in air desperately, trying to stay awake even as his face turned blue. 

“Vic-“ He sobbed as much of his name as he could manage before another gasping, shuddering breath overcame him. By now, Victor was openly crying. 

Without a second thought, Victor rose to his feet, scooping the younger boy up in his arms and throwing him back into his bed. Yuri still clung to his own shirt, back arched off the bed as he desperately tried to return to the present, but Victor wasn’t gone for two seconds before he quickly slid into bed beside him, yanking the covers over both their trembling bodies. Gently, he sat up and leaned his back against the pillows, and then pulled Yuri’s body on top of his own. He aligned the boy’s head with his heart, and then focused on taking deep breaths himself, praying that Yuri would follow along. 

Gradually, slowly, agonizingly….Yuri began to match his breathing. 

His gulps and gasps diminished to quiet hiccups and sobs, his chest rising and falling without thought anymore, matching Victor’s steady breaths, allowing the sound of his heart so close to him sooth his attack. Victor held him through it, carding his fingers through sweaty hair so it was out of his face, keeping the blanket tight around him as he shook and cried. It felt like an eternity before Yuri finally spoke. 

“Victor?” he whispered, tears still silently streaming from his eyes. 

“I’m here, Yuri.” Was the whispered reply. He felt Yuri tense up again, however, and tilted his head back so he could try and read his face. “What’s wrong?” 

“You won’t be here for much longer,” Yuri mumbled into his chest, “When I fail tomorrow, you’ll leave me and I’ll never get to see you again.” 

Now it was Victor’s turn to run short of breath. 

“Yuri,” he began in his scolding voice, “Why would you think that? You think I would abandon you if you do not win the gold medal? Do you think so little of me?” 

“I think the world of you, Victor,” was the quiet reply, “And you deserve more than this anyways. I can’t even take care of myself.” He subconsciously reached up to touch the stinging scratch on his face, that ran from his nose all the way up to his eyebrow. Victor sighed. He really shouldn’t have left him alone tonight. 

Sliding them down so they were laying properly in the bed, Victor turned so they were side by side, noses nearly touching. Yuri turned red and looked away, but a hand to his cheek forced him to keep staring into icy blue eyes. 

“Yuri,” Victor said, “I love you.” 

Yuri blinked. 

“I love you, and your glasses, and your worries and fears and doubts. I love everything you do, and I love watching you skate. I will never let go of you, do you understand? You are too precious to me. I want to be with you every day, and no matter what happens tomorrow, I promise I will love you even more.” To solidify his words, Victor pressed a light kiss to the bridge of his partner’s nose. Yuri was staring at him with wide brown eyes that were already overflowing with tears again. 

“You…you mean it? You’ll stay with me?” he choked out, furiously wiping at his eyes. Victor chuckled and held his hands so he could press more kisses to Yuri’s face. 

“Of course I will Yuri,” he whispered as he connected their lips. Their kiss was sweet, passionate, and full of love. 

The two of them stayed in bed until Yuri was calm again, whispering sweet nothings against each other’s lips, Yuri cradled tight to Victor’s chest as the last of his panic faded away. When he decided it was alright to leave the bed, Victor ran a bath and ordered take out before ushering an emotionally drained Yuri into the large hotel bathroom. They soaked together in the warm comforting water, Yuri relishing the feeling of Victor’s strong chest against his back as long arms encircled him and washed him. As they ate their meals, Yuri looked up at Victor through his taped-together glasses. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to go out and have fun with Chris? I don’t want to keep you here if it’s not what you want.” He mumbled, cheeks red and eyes bloodshot, but expression relaxed. Victor smiled to himself. 

“Yuri, the only place I want to be is wherever you are. And I think we could both use some rest, so let’s stay in bed.” Yuri’s relieved grin was bright enough to light up the night sky. 

“O-Okay!” he gasped, shyly taking Victor’s outstretched hand as he led them towards the bed, robes discarded as the two men slipped under the covers. Rather than a sexualized urge, in this moment Victor only felt the intense need to love and cherish this precious man who was nuzzling his nose into the crook of his neck and sighing contently. As he felt Yuri’s breathing even out as the sheer exhaustion finally caught up to him, and his soft snores tickled beside his ear, Victor squeezed Yuri as tight as he possibly could and kissed the crown of his forehead. 

He vowed to never leave this beautiful boy to face his dark mind alone, ever again.


End file.
